Joel Always one syllable

No one teaches you: Feedback. Giving or Receiving.

29 Dec 2024

'Feedback' as a young artist.
Question: is "criticism" always negative?

Preface

When I say “no one teaches you”, I mean that there are life lessons that are not among the typical curriculum provided to young adults as they begin navigating their ADULT adult lives. Not from their schools, their first jobs, and not from their parents. This post is a reflection on life lessons you may have to learn the hard way - like I did.

When I graduated high school I decided to stay relatively close to home and attend the University of Hartford, a medium-sized liberal arts school in CT known for their arts programs. Theater, ballet, music, illustration, art history, graphic design - all well represented by the programs at UHA. That first year I chose my major, art with a concentration on illustration. I spent most of it in art history classes and foundational 100 level classes, figure drawing and the like. I enjoyed some of it1. However, I quickly ran into something that would put a hard stop to my dreams of drawing superheroes for Marvel or DC2.

“Crits”. Critiques. Criticism.

I couldn’t do it. Could not handle it. (I was a sensitive kid3.) After so many years of people complimenting my doodles, my art class projects, the comic strips for the school paper, I was just not ready for the heavy dose of real criticism.

Reframing Criticism

Looking back now, I wonder what would have happened if I’d had the proper framing—the framing that “criticism” was a coaching device, not a vessel for insult and derision4. If I had known these professors were there to break things down in order to rebuild better and bolder, would I have stayed? Perhaps.

And therein lies a lesson: knowing the intent behind the feedback matters.

When we understand the why behind feedback, it transforms how we process and respond to it. In hindsight, I see that feedback is not inherently negative—it’s a tool for growth.

The link to ctocraft is one of the better distillations of many themes learned from reading the soon-to-be-mentioned “Thanks for the Feedback”. If you’re not interested in reading an entire book on the topic, just go read that blog post. I wish I had written it.

Feedback: The 3 Types and 2 Sides

Feedback comes in several forms, three that I know of:

  1. Coaching: Guidance to help you improve.
  2. Evaluation: Assessing your performance against a standard.
  3. Appreciation: Recognition for your efforts or achievements.

There are also two sides to the feedback equation: giving and receiving. Both are emotional intelligence (EQ) skills that require training and practice.

To give effective feedback, ask yourself:

  • Do you understand where the receiver is emotionally or mentally?
  • Have you considered how they prefer to receive feedback?
  • Do you know the context in which they like to receive praise or guidance?

To receive feedback effectively, reflect on the following:

  • What is the intent or motivation of the giver?
  • Can you temporarily set aside your ego or pride and compartmentalize?
  • Can you resist the urge to respond defensively and instead focus on understanding the “why”?

How to Build Your Feedback Skills

How might you work on these things? The book “Thanks for the Feedback” is an excellent resource for examining these things. I would recommend it to anyone navigating a career in the corporate space. (Not to mention spouses. And parents.) There’s much to learn in there that often no one will take the time to explain or examine with you5. I am grateful that the managers and peers at my day-job had us read this as part of a work book club. It has been immensely helpful.

A Reflection on Art School and Beyond

Thinking back, I have wondered how my time in art school would have differed if I’d been better equipped. What would my career trajectory look like? With the crystal clear 20/20 hindsight I’m not too broken up that things went the way they did. It all worked out pretty okay in the end.

  1. At that time, if we’re talking “take it, or leave it” - the art history part I’d put in the “leave it” bucket, certainly not “take it”. My professor was dreadfully boring, the lectures were huge, and my ADD was having absolutely none of it. Although, I guess, I do still know what doric columns, flying buttresses, and the Venus of Willendorf are. ↩

  2. Or Image. Or Valiant. This was the 90’s after all. ↩

  3. Still am, just equipped with better coping mechanisms. ↩

  4. To be fair, some of the professors absolutely did take joy in ripping things to shreds. Cruel? Maybe. (Probably.) But the emotional callouses may serve as armor in what is ostensibly a cruel world. ↩

  5. An extra tidbit: if you have done some examination of the self and know how you prefer to give and receive feedback, tell people! Write a personal README! Share it with your manager and teammates! Wouldn’t it be helpful to tell people up front the cheat codes on how to work with you? For me, it’s been a tremendous help. ↩